Control Option Command

One of the really shitty sides to bipolarity for me has been the exceptional ease with which I ignored bills and debts during both the up and down periods. Whether I was too depressed to manage or too manic to care doesn’t really make a difference. The result is that I find myself today in debt. Badly. No really badly.

Ever since I started taking some responsibility and pills I’ve been on the case of getting straight with all my creditors. It’s an uphill battle, let me tell you.

I estimate that the 7 months or so I’ve shilled about $18.000 in old debts. Now, that’s on top of the rent and regular expenses, so on my salary (which isn’t all that bad) it leaves a pretty hard dent in my pocket. This, as so many things, would not have been possible without my girlfriend. It may sound pretty fucked up to anyone who hasn’t had this problem, but getting past that dread of window envelopes is a pretty rough deal. And don’t get me started on just how fucking depressing it is to keep being surprised by some new gargantuan debt every time you think you’re starting to get control of the situation.

The important thing is to just keep chopping away at that mountain as long as it takes, and be upfront with all your creditors. Some day I’ll be out of debt. Just not some day soon.