Control Option Command

…while I get something of my own cooked up.

My mental illness does not define me.
and
Depression, burnout and writing code.

That is all.

I can’t quite remember who coined the term “Echoes” to describe those odd, sometimes puzzling or even spooky coincidences we sometimes experience.

You know what I mean. You meet a random person at a party who turns out to be your second cousin. You and your new romance discover that you were both following the same band on tour the same year.

—apparent non sequitur change of subject—

I’ve told you about my girlfriend Kaja. She’s an artist. Traditional; She paints pictures.

Me. I’m no artist. I used to do some illustration work though. I was never any good at finishing stuff unless it was paid work, but I did try to express some feelings now and then. Usually with crude and crass symbolism.

—another apparent non sequitur that actually reveals the punchline—

2005 wasn’t a real good year for Kaja. She was going through some pretty ugly personal problems and was troubled with anxiety and depression.

It was a pretty crappy year for me too. In fact, it marked a personal low for me. Never before, and thankfully; Never after have I felt so depressed.

So Kaja, visual girl, painted a painting that represented her feelings.

It’s pretty telling. A girl (the artist) crouched over in defeat with spikes driven into her back. “What is more noble…” She is trapped between light and dark. Roadkill between two states of being.

When I saw this in her portfolio, some 6 years later, I immediately started going through my old archived folders. Turns out that in that same year, before depression turned me completely incapacitated I made this (obviously unfinished) illustration:

That is all…

Indeed. Why does this ordinarily quite burlesque and colorful blog suddenly look like the works of Jacob Nielsen?

If you are new to this blog; move along, but if you’ve come to expect bright colors and swirly shit all over the place, take a while and harken.

I need a project to get back to my former glory, and I need to deliver myself a prompt, swift kick in the rear to get going. The best way to do this is to just publish this new design for the blog while it’s still butt-ugly so that I’ll have an incentive to fix it the fuck up as soon as humanly possible.

If you really miss the old design go visit Kajas blog.

That is all.

It was not my intention to turn this blog into some mock re-enactment of the bipolar curve, but…

shit…

It’s on me again.

Read the rest of this article »

This is a shortie. I just want to tell you a couple of things pretty quickly.

1. One microgram is one millionth of a gram.

2. One microgram of certain stuff may make an enormous fucking difference in your brain.

3. Happiness is chemistry.

4. As is unhappiness.

5. This is Kaja.

6. These are some stats.

7. That’s all for now. I’m good. Thanks for asking. I hope you’re doing alright as well.