13/04/2011
I can’t quite remember who coined the term “Echoes” to describe those odd, sometimes puzzling or even spooky coincidences we sometimes experience.
You know what I mean. You meet a random person at a party who turns out to be your second cousin. You and your new romance discover that you were both following the same band on tour the same year.
—apparent non sequitur change of subject—
I’ve told you about my girlfriend Kaja. She’s an artist. Traditional; She paints pictures.
Me. I’m no artist. I used to do some illustration work though. I was never any good at finishing stuff unless it was paid work, but I did try to express some feelings now and then. Usually with crude and crass symbolism.
—another apparent non sequitur that actually reveals the punchline—
2005 wasn’t a real good year for Kaja. She was going through some pretty ugly personal problems and was troubled with anxiety and depression.
It was a pretty crappy year for me too. In fact, it marked a personal low for me. Never before, and thankfully; Never after have I felt so depressed.
So Kaja, visual girl, painted a painting that represented her feelings.
It’s pretty telling. A girl (the artist) crouched over in defeat with spikes driven into her back. “What is more noble…” She is trapped between light and dark. Roadkill between two states of being.
When I saw this in her portfolio, some 6 years later, I immediately started going through my old archived folders. Turns out that in that same year, before depression turned me completely incapacitated I made this (obviously unfinished) illustration:
That is all…
23/03/2011
It was not my intention to turn this blog into some mock re-enactment of the bipolar curve, but…
shit…
It’s on me again.
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31/12/2009
Throughout the year I’ve been wanting to write a blog post about some of the personal stuff that has been going on lately. There’s been a lot of it. Every time I wrote a post however I decided it was too revelatory, too emo, too whiny or too something else. This is a personal post, and it’s probably too “something”, but I decided to go ahead and post it anyway in the spirit of “not letting shit go unsaid just because you can’t decide on all the words.”
I was twittering the other day about how the noughties have been a pretty eventful decade for me on a personal level, building up to a crescendo and culminating in a pretty spectacular oh-nine.
I feel it’s worth writing a post about. Whether it’s worth reading a post about it I leave to the discretion of the reader.
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24/08/2009
Copyright be damned!
As a bipolar on lithium I’ve experienced having my creativity, eagerness and mind numbed and agonized over it in no small measure.
Accordingly this strip really struck a chord with me:
20/05/2008
One of the really shitty sides to bipolarity for me has been the exceptional ease with which I ignored bills and debts during both the up and down periods. Whether I was too depressed to manage or too manic to care doesn’t really make a difference. The result is that I find myself today in debt. Badly. No really badly.
Ever since I started taking some responsibility and pills I’ve been on the case of getting straight with all my creditors. It’s an uphill battle, let me tell you.
I estimate that the 7 months or so I’ve shilled about $18.000 in old debts. Now, that’s on top of the rent and regular expenses, so on my salary (which isn’t all that bad) it leaves a pretty hard dent in my pocket. This, as so many things, would not have been possible without my girlfriend. It may sound pretty fucked up to anyone who hasn’t had this problem, but getting past that dread of window envelopes is a pretty rough deal. And don’t get me started on just how fucking depressing it is to keep being surprised by some new gargantuan debt every time you think you’re starting to get control of the situation.
The important thing is to just keep chopping away at that mountain as long as it takes, and be upfront with all your creditors. Some day I’ll be out of debt. Just not some day soon.